Author: Vesna Katalinić, psihoterapeutkinja za djecu i odrasle, osnivačica centra za psihoterapiju i savjetovanje "Klackalica"

Trust isn’t built through one grand gesture, but through a series of small, meaningful moments in which we show a child that we genuinely care about who they are, what they feel, what they think, and what they need. It’s also important to remember that children are highly perceptive and notice their surroundings and the behavior of adults much more deeply than we often realize.

Children feel trust and security in a relationship when they sense, “Here, I can be myself - with all parts of me.” This realization allows them to express themselves freely and feel accepted. Here are a few key elements that can help build trust - the topic is much broader, but these are good starting points.

Authenticity

I often hear parents say, “I can’t show weakness in front of my child. I shouldn’t cry.” But children connect with real people, not idealized versions of us. They need to see that we have feelings too, that we have boundaries, and that it’s okay to express our emotions.

It is absolutely fine to say to your child:

• "I'm tired; I don't have the energy to play today."
• "I'm having a difficult day."
• "I feel angry, but you are still important to me, and I love you."

These kinds of sentences show that emotions and love can coexist. In this way, we set boundaries while still protecting the child’s integrity, helping them understand that all of us, including adults, face challenges.

Presence and Engagement

All people - children and adults alike - want to feel that their experiences are seen and valued, even when they seem small or illogical to us. When a child speaks to us, it’s important to slow down and give them our full attention.

We further strengthen the feeling of being seen by reflecting:

• "I see that upsets you."
• "It looks like that was difficult for you."

Also, asking open-ended questions, such as:

• "What happened next?"
• "What was it like for you?"

can create space for conversation.

These techniques build a good foundation for trust because the child feels that we are listening to them and that their feelings matter.

Space for Mistakes

To give children room for mistakes, we first need to look at how we handle our own. When a child sees that we make errors, learn from them, and talk about them openly, they learn that mistakes are a natural part of life, not a threat to their worth.

Through this process, learning becomes an exploration rather than something to fear. This approach helps children understand that a mistake doesn’t define their worth. What we want to avoid is sending the message: “If I make a mistake, I’m not good enough.” Instead, we encourage them to see mistakes as opportunities for growth and learning.

In the end, even though they are our children, trust cannot be demanded; it must be earned. It’s built through small, everyday moments and through genuine, open, and mindful behavior toward them.

Every small moment in which we show understanding, acceptance, and love helps build a strong foundation of trust that can last for years. Let’s give children the trust they deserve, because in doing so, we not only strengthen our bond with them but also help them grow into confident, emotionally resilient adults.